Maddison's Musings

As 2015 comes to a close, I've spent most of the day reflecting on the past year and looking ahead to the next. If I'm being honest, 2016 looks pretty scary and full of responsibility. I'll be finishing Junior year, taking the SAT/ACT, starting senior year, applying to colleges, getting jobs, turning 18 at the end of the year, and so much more. I almost don't want to think about 2016, I just want to remain a kid. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to move on with life and do all of this grown up stuff, but I never thought it would actually happen; it always seemed really far away. 

While reflecting on 2015, I get really emotional because this truly was the best year of my life so far. I almost can't believe the year I've had, as everything was really calm and happy. I got to meet Tyler Oakley and go to his slumber party tour, I got to go to my favorite lake and relax, I got to go to California and attend VidCon where I met so many amazing internet friends and YouTubers such as Dan and Phil (danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil), Ben J. Pierce (kidpov), PJ Liguori (kickthepj), Chris Kendall (crabstickz), and so many more. Vidcon was by far the highlight of my year. Not only did I get to meet so many amazing people, but I got to go to California, and hang out with friends, and it was truly amazing. I can't wait to get back to VidCon 2016 in June. After VidCon, I went camping, moved back home to Texas, started Junior year, made more friends, accepted myself for who I am, and so much more. This past year has been the best year for me so far, and every time I reflect back on it, I get emotional and kind of weepy, but in a good way. I can only hope that 2016 has bigger and better things in store for me.

In February, I made a blog post explaining a few of my goals for 2015 (here) and now I want to look back on those goals and set more goals for 2016. I always set goals instead of resolutions, because I feel like resolutions are kind of cheesy and never really work, while you can always aspire to reach your goals. Looking over that blog post, I realized that I reached all of my goals except getting a passport. I wrote more, I read more, I took more pictures, I saved (and spent) more, and I learned how to find joy in the little things. This year, I have a few more goals to add.

2016 Goals

1. Leave the country at least once, or at least get a passport

2. Practice French more

I find that French is a really pretty language, and I've had the Duolingo app for a while and have practiced it a little, so I have very basic French skills. This year I want to up my fluency rate and practice more.

3. Go to State for my piano competition

Each year I have a regional piano competition, and if I make a superior, I advance onto state. I've always made a superior or superior plus,so that's not a problem, but I hope I can take the trip to state once I make it. I went two years ago, and it was one of my favorite trips.

4. Do well on the SAT/ACT/AP tests

This year is my last semester of Junior year and the first semester of Senior year, so it's time to start taking these tests and in the fall, starting the application process.

5. Keep a bullet journal going

I've seen so many Tumblr posts about bullet journals, so I finally bought one to try. I don't think I'm going to use it as an agenda, since I already have one I use for school, but I've set it up already and I quite like the idea of having everything in one place. I might do a blog post about it in the next few days, because I think it's a really cool idea.

6. Hang out with friends more

One of my biggest flaws is that I hardly ever have anyone over because I have school and then homework, and by the time the weekend comes around, I really just want two days to stay in bed and not see anyone and kind of de-stress from school. This year, I want to try to invite friends over more often, even if we just watch a movie together or something, it's always nice hanging out with friends.

As you can see, I have many goals for 2016, but this isn't all of them. I have so many things that I want to achieve this year, and I want it to be just as amazing as 2015, if not better. Here's to 2016.

~Maddison

This is going to be a quick post because I can't go an entire month without posting something, but also nothing significant has happened and I still can't make myself write..

What's happened this month? Not much. I tried doing the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) this year for the first time ever and I made it three days in before I gave up. But hey, that's four thousand more words than I've written in a while. I had a choir concert, a piano concert, Thanksgiving break, and now I'm back in school. December starts tomorrow and in all honesty, I'm just waiting until Christmas break.

Listen, I know this is short, but it's not like people read this, plus I do it for myself and I'm really only doing this post because I can't go a month without posting. Sorry I'm bad at blogging, but junior year is intense. So many AP classes, so little time. Hopefully I'll be back soon, but definitely before 2016.

~Maddison

Okay, okay, I know I haven't blogged in about ten thousand years, but in my defense, I've been busy and still haven't had the motivation. I don't know what's up, but yeah. Basically, October, my favorite month of the entire year, has whizzed past and somehow it's nearly over (I only have under an hour left). This had been a really good month for me actually. Not only is the weather cooler, but I'm also now a year older than I was the last time I wrote. 

Turning 17 is weird because it's the year nothing happens. When you're 16, you can get your license and when you're 18, you're considered an adult, but 17 is just another year. It was my golden birthday this year though, so I guess that counts for something exciting. I had a party the day before my birthday with a few friends and I had such a nice time full of laughter and chicken nuggets. My actual birthday was super chill. It was on a Saturday this year, so I got to sleep in, avoid any responsibilities, and lay around watching movies all day. It was super nice, plus I got tons of lovely things from my family and friends. I think one of my favorite things is my new bedspread, which has a bunch of passport stamps on it. It's super pretty and it makes my room look nice.

Although the leaves haven't changed color and fallen yet, it has rained a bit recently, and I'm 100 percent okay with that. I love the rain so much; I don't really know how to describe it. I leave my window open and just sit and listen to the water droplets fall outside and allow the cool breeze to flow past my face. If there's one thing I love more than rain, it's thunderstorms, and we've gotten a few of those lately as well. I find rain to be extremely peaceful and nice.

This month has been a pretty big book publishing month, especially for YouTubers. Dan and Phil, Tyler Oakley, Zoella, and PewDiePie all released books this month, and I finished both BINGE and The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire fairly quickly and my love for the authors has only grown. Although I don't have plans to read PewDiePie and Zoe's books, I'm still proud of Team Internet as a whole for their accomplishments this month. Speaking of Team Internet, Troye Sivan started his first tour this month, and I'm so proud of him. He also announced his debut album Blue Neighbourhood for preorder (coming out November 4th) and has been accomplishing great things. I'm extremely proud of the people I love the most.

I went to a pumpkin patch sometime this month and let me just tell you: I love pumpkins. Normal pumpkins are great and all, but if you really want to win my heart, get me a tiny pumpkin. You know those little baby ones you can get for $2? Yeah, those are by far my favorite pumpkins, and when we went to the pumpkin patch, I got three to decorate my room. I always love pumpkin patches. I don't know, they just make me really happy and I become energetic so it's nice.

My family and I celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving for the first time ever (which is funny because my dad, his brothers, and their entire family were born in Canada) and it was actually pretty nice. I don't know what I was expecting, since we've never celebrated it before, but it was just like the normal American Thanksgiving, just with more maple leaves and a month earlier. I had a good time, so that's all that really matters.

I've gotten the travel bug really bad lately, and I want to go explore somewhere soon. Whether that somewhere is Dallas or Austin, I don't know, I just want to go. Currently, New York is at the top of my list (at least for places in the United States), and I've been looking at flights and just dreaming about visiting.

Now that October is over, there's just Thanksgiving standing in the way before Christmas and then 2016 wow.

~Maddison

Is it too early in the year to drop out and become a hobo? Probably not, but a girl can dream. When I heard people say junior year would be the hardest, I believed them, but I didn't expect it to be this bad. Every single day last week I had about seven to eight hours of homework. I was up until midnight doing homework, and I would start when I got home from school. Then, you throw on the actual grades. My grades so far are the absolute worst they've ever been- I have five B's. Five. Granted, one's an 89 that I can probably bump up to an A, but still. That's the most I've ever had in my entire academic career. I don't mean to sound like that type of person, but I usually only have one B per year, and I had straight A's until I hit Algebra 1 in middle school. The fact that I have multiple B's literally kills me.

One of my B's is in English and honestly, it's mainly due to this class discussion that we had last week and I couldn't talk so I failed and got a 65 on. Let me just rant a little bit about grading class discussions for a bit. First off, there are shy people in every class. Forcing a grade onto a discussion doesn't make them want to speak up any more than if it wasn't graded. Secondly, you have people with intense anxiety who literally can't function is a discussion setting. Third, if you just let people talk without calling on anyone, you get the people who dominate the discussion and get all of the points. Grading class discussions is one of the absolute worst things you could possibly think to do.

My next B is in aerobics. I took aerobics because I heard that it was easier than PE and quite frankly, getting sweaty and all red faced isn't my thing, but this class is like actual working out. It's hard and we work out and we have to do the mile on Wednesday's just like the PE classes. In order to make a 100 on the mile, you have to run it in nine minutes. Nine minutes. To get an A it needs to be between nine and ten minutes, and then it goes down five points every thirty seconds. Granted, the teacher helps buffer your grade because if she sees that you're trying, she'll give you a few extra points to help you out. I am extremely out of shape. I ran a mile once, like four years ago. I made my mile in 13 minutes, which meant that I failed it. My teacher bumped my grade to a 70, but my average grade in the class is an 82. I get 100's for participation, but the mile counts for a test grade (60%), so it's as if the hundreds don't even matter.

I have an 89 right now in APUSH, and in all honesty, that's okay. That's a hard class. Plus, I'm pretty sure I can bump it up by the end of this week. Another B is in Pre-Calculus, and I'm fine with that one too. Pre-Cal is hard and I'll gladly accept the stupid B. My last B is in WHAP and it's an 88, and I have a notebook check tomorrow that I'll get a 100 on, so I'm not too worried about it. In all honesty, I don't really care about WHAP- APUSH is my top priority right now.

As if I wasn't stressed enough as it is, I'm going to work even harder to get A's. I can't stand having such poor grades, it literally makes me sick. My anxiety is off the charts right now, and I honestly just want to give up, but I know that I can't. I'm going to try my hardest to get my grades up by the semester mark, because the semester is really all that matters.

I'm not even going to apologize for this post honestly. I need to get this off my chest and write it down, even if nobody reads it. So if you did read this giant rant, do you have any advice? What would you do?

~Maddison

Also, the whole time I was writing this I was thinking of Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXRviuL6vMY

I still can't really believe that I'm already a junior. Ah yes, the lovely junior year of high school. According to most people, this is supposed to be the hardest year of high school. Not only do you have multiple AP classes, but this is also the only year that actually counts when it comes to college because this will be the year that colleges look at on your transcripts. Let's not forget about having to take the SAT/ACT later in the year. Yes, I understand how junior year is the most stressful, but I'm trying not to worry about it so much just yet.

I haven't gotten completely overwhelmed yet, and I'd like it to stay that way. I'm already following APUSH help accounts on Twitter and Tumblr as I know that they'll come in handy by the time the AP test rolls around. So far, I really like APUSH (AP US History). My teacher is fantastic and makes it seem more interesting. He also gives us mnemonics and things to help us retain all of the information, which I like as it makes studying a whole lot easier. 

This year, I'm taking three AP courses (APUSH, WHAP {AP World History}, and English), Pre-AP Precalculus, regular Physics, Varsity choir, aerobics, and journalism. I would have taken a Pre-AP Physics instead of on-level, but my school only offers regular and AP and I've never taken it before, so I stuck with regular. I think this is the first on-level class I've ever taken, and it's super easy so far. Precal on the other hand, is not my favorite, but I'll survive I hope. 

I know that this is a shorter post, but it's getting late and I have school in the morning. Hopefully I'll update again before the end of the month and update you a bit more. 

~Maddison

Another year, another move across the country. Okay, that makes it seem like we move each year, but we actually don't. Just the last two summers. But now I'm back in the lovely state of Texas and I'm not moving out of this state until after college when I want to move to England, but that's a story for another day.

We've gotten to the point where moving is pretty easy for us. A lot of our stuff was still partially in boxes except for the stuff in our rooms, so all we had to do was just organize the boxes and pack everything. We packed all of our stuff in around two days, then it took about a day and a half to load the POD, and then we were done and sleeping on mats until we moved.

My little brother and I flew out on the 11th of August, and since we were unaccompanied minors, we got extra attention and those media players for free. It was fantastic. The flight flew by pretty quickly, which was nice. We sat next to a nicer older lady who just read the entire flight, so that was good. My favorite part of flying is the takeoff and landing, as it's filled with adrenaline and excitement. Plus the plane goes really fast, so that's a plus. But, I figured out that I also kind of enjoy turbulence on a flight. I don't know why, but it makes it seem more fun and daring. I'm pretty sure not many others would agree with me, but hey, I like it and that's all that matters.

The last week or so has just consisted of unpacking, organizing, and getting stuff set up. My room is almost done- I'm just waiting on a piano. I found one on craigslist that we're getting and it comes either tomorrow or Tuesday, so then once I have it, my room will be complete. I might post pictures once it's done, but I might not, who knows. My room has a travel theme to it, and my furniture pieces like my desk, bed frame, bookshelf, etc, are all white, which gives a clean feel to my room. I want new bed sheets that have a travel theme, but I'm waiting for my birthday in October to get them. I really like the feel of my room, it's really nice.

Something I'm definitely not ready for is school to start tomorrow. I'm entering my junior year of high school, and it's supposed to be the hardest. I'm taking multiple AP classes, plus I have to take the SAT/ACT later and make some of the best grades I can since this will be the year that will be on my transcript when I apply to college next fall. Thank God I already know which college I want to go to, so I don't really have to worry about that as much, but it's still pretty stressful.

It's not even so much that I'm not ready for school, as I'm actually pretty excited to get back to school and learn stuff, I just know that the workload is going to be insane, Plus, I would enjoy a little bit longer summer, since I didn't get out of school back in Washington until June 18th and my friends back in Texas got out June 4th or something. But, at least this will give me a regular schedule back, so that's a good thing I guess.

~Maddison

How has it already been two weeks since VidCon? It feels like just yesterday that I was surrounded by tons of content creators and viewers and hanging out with some of my best friends. This year, the creators of VidCon did meetups a bit differently, but I feel like it worked out pretty well. Basically, about a month or two before the event started, you could rank your top 15 creators for the signing lottery. Once the ranking section was over, they put all of the data into a computer and let it work for a while generating everyone's results.

People got between two and four signings, varying for each person. I was really happy with my results as I got Dan and Phil, my two favorite creators, but I know that some people were dissapointed that they didn't get their fave. When you think about it though, the lottery really does make a lot of sense. I'm not saying that it's perfect, as it definitely has some flaws, but it's a pretty good system. That way, you go into the event knowing exactly who you're meeting and you only have to wait a few hours, not twelve.

I had three signings, one each day, and I was really happy with my results. On the first day, I met Josh Sundquist, author of the book We Should Hang Out Sometime. He was super sweet, and I got to meet his fiance too, since she walked around the line and hung out with some of us during the wait. He signed my book, we chatted a bit, took some selfies, and then it was over. He seems like a really sweet and down to earth guy, which was really nice being able to see youtubers as real people.

My second signing the next day was with PJ Liguori, Chris Kendall, Mitchel Davis, and Olan Rodgers. Everyone was so sweet, lovely, and tall. We got a group picture and then I got to hug each one and since there were so many people, this was definitely one of the more "say hi and bye" type meet and greets, but they were still all really nice and gave good hugs.

On the last day of VidCon, I had my most anticipated signing: Dan and Phil. I had asked people on Twitter and Tumblr to send in little messages for them, and before I left for California I typed them all out, printed them, and put them in a jar that I later decorated. The jar was filled with so many Tumblr urls, Twitter handles, and notes. When I met them, I had to put the jar on a table before walking up, but it's okay because at least they got it. Dan and Phil are some of the sweetest people. Hands down some of the most genuine and caring creators out there. When I walked (okay, ran) up to them, the only thing I could think about was how tall they were, so of course that's the first thing I blurted out. They give such great hugs though, like Phil leans down and puts his head on your shoulder and Dan hugs you, but it's just the best feeling in the entire world. They looked so good too, plus again, they were sosososo sweet. Also, Dan took most/all of the selfies, so he held my phone, so that was another thing that happened. Meeting them was by far the best thing that happened at VidCon and I'm so glad that I was able to.

Walking around the convention is also a great way to run into people. I met Phil's brother when I went to the Dan and Phil shop booth since he owns/manages it, and he was also super nice, but no surprise there; everyone was amazing. Also, sometimes youtubers (especially the smaller ones) will have their own impromptu meetups, like Ben J. Pierce did. He tweeted it out the night before, and lots of people showed up, myself included. He was so nice and lovely and meeting him was super cool.

VidCon was hands down one of the best times of my entire life, and I can't explain how amazing this event is in words. If you enjoy YouTube/the internet, I would definitely suggest going. Not only can you meet some of your lovely internet friends, but you also have the chance of meeting some of your favorite content creators as well. 

~Maddison

Dan and Phil, my precious little sons 7/25/15

Phil's brother Martyn and I 7/23/15

Josh Sundquist and I 7/23/15

Left to right: PJ Liguori, Chris Kendall, me, Olan Rodgers, Mitchel Davis 7/24/15

Ben J. Pierce and I 7/23/15

(also, all of the pics are on My Instagram)

Last week was the 6th annual VidCon and I was able to go. I had the best week of my entire life while at VidCon. Not only did I get to meet so many of my favorite youtubers and internet friends, but the entire atmosphere of the convention was amazing. Most people were vlogging the entire time, which was pretty funny at times because you'd just look and see hundreds to thousands of people talking to a camera. This was my first VidCon, but I'm definitely going to go again.

If you're a parent reading this little post and trying to decide if you should allow your child to go to VidCon or not, please let them go- you can even go with if you want (you just have to buy a ticket). Even though there was about 20,000 people, it was so well organized and secure. There was tons of security and staff everywhere, plus info booths and a first aid station with a Registered Nurse. My mom and little brother accompanied me as my mom was a bit nervous sending me alone to VidCon, and even she was totally impressed by the whole event.

The day before VidCon officially starts, you can go and check in to get your badge, guide, and bag filled with different things. Check in opened at noon and it went by super quickly. If you had your QR code that they emailed you printed out, you just showed it to them and they scanned it before giving you your badge and signing wristbands. After getting all checked in, you would go and pick up your bag and event guide on your way out. Once I was finished, I met up with some friends for the first time and it was so much fun seeing them all in person. I would go to VidCon just for the ability to hug all of my friends because there's nothing like the feeling of finally meeting someone you've been talking to for so long.

The first official day of VidCon is filled with excitement. I got to the convention center around nine in the morning and explored the expo halls for a while before heading to an event I wanted to go see. The entire event has this laid back/chilled type of atmosphere to it. Even though it's packed full of fangirls and creators alike, everyone is super kind and easy going. The opening ceremony is one of the main events of the day, and it really gives of feel of what VidCon is all about. From Tyler Oakley releasing his book cover to Miranda Sings dancing around, it's definitely not something you want to miss, even though I missed most of it because I had a signing, but I wish I could have gone to it.

The second day of VidCon was the busiest for me. I had stuff I wanted to do all day long, with the first event I had planned starting at 9:30 am, so I got to the convention center right around when it opened at eight so I could have enough time to wander the expo halls some more. I did so much stuff on the second day, but it was definitely one of the most fun. While my brother left me for a few hours to go to his signings, I met up with some friends and walked around before heading to a panel. There's a difference between watching a panel of your favorite people with your mom and brother and watching a panel of your favorite people with your internet friends. I loved being able to watch this panel with my friends because it was basically just an hour of us fangirling, laughing, and taking as many pictures as humanly possible when our fave came on the screen. It was a great experience and it just furthered our bond being able to be total dorks around each other.

The last day of Vidcon was the least busy for me. The first thing I wanted to see didn't start until two, so I didn't get there until noon. It felt so nice to be able to sleep in and actually have time to wake up, get ready, and eat something. Although I missed the closing ceremony due to a signing, I at least watched everyone live tweet it, which is just as good. If I don't have a scheduling conflict like a signing again next year, I'll definitely make sure that I make it to the closing ceremony because I heard it was really good, plus Troye Sivan announced his album "Wild," which I'm beyond excited for.

I have so much to talk about when it comes to VidCon, so I'm going to try to upload once everyday until I've said everything I wanted to say about it. I have it planned out already, and I might write a few of the drafts now while I'm still up. Also, as I just watched the clock change to midnight, happy August everyone!!

~Maddison

I've discovered that my favorite part of the day is the middle of the night. There's something truly calming about the hours between midnight and eight in the morning. I think it's mainly the fact that not too many people are awake. The world is quiet and magical.

It's a summer tradition of mine is to stay up all night at least once over the summer doing something I enjoy. One summer, I was staying up and binge watching Pretty Little Liars. Last summer, I binge watched all of Troye Sivan's YouTube videos. A few days ago, I was up all night reading an awful  fanfic. It was fun, even the times where I cried and the times when I punched my bed in furry. Still fun though. Kind of.

But my favorite part of all of these nights was watching the sun start to flicker through the blinds and into my room. I'm the type of person who likes sunrises, but I'm never up to see them unless I stay up all night and managed to catch it before I pass out. Hearing and seeing the world wake up makes me feel alive. For some reason, when I'm up at the brink of dawn, this overwhelming peace settles over me. I feel happy, just truly happy. I also feel closer to God. Just watching His creation wake up and come to life is something truly wonderful.

Other than that, July has been pretty interesting so far. On the fourth, we had all of the family over and we lit off fireworks and stuff. The fireworks were terrifying, as I was constantly worried that the person lighting them would accidentally knock it over and it would explode and come towards us. Thankfully, that didn't happen though. But fireworks are extremely loud. It sounded like we were under attack, it was just constant booms and bright lights.

Yesterday was the 7th of July, which is my little brother and my uncle's birthday, so we had a celebration for them. We went out to dinner with the entire family and then went back to our house for dessert and presents. All my brother wanted was the X-Box One, so my mom and I wrapped a whole bunch of little random things and stuck one dollar bills to them to try to make it seem as if he didn't actually get it. He's such a good person that he was actually pleased and excited with everything he got, and then he opened his last gift, which my grandparents made a scavenger hunt to find his new X-Box. After getting clues and searching all over the house and yard, he found his X-Box in the boat and he yelled with joy. It was great.

I don't have much planned for the rest of the month until Vidcon in two weeks, in which I might blog once before and once after, but maybe just after, I don't know. I'm so excited for Vidcon omg. I get to meet internet friends and some of my favorite YouTubers and I may or may not cry. I still have no idea what I'm wearing or anything, but I don't leave for California until the 21st, so I still have some time. Either way, I know it will be the best three days of my life

~Maddison

First and foremost, lakes/large bodies of water kind of terrify me. I think it's mainly because I'm worried that something such as a giant shark or something will eat me, but it's also just the whole open water thing in general. I can't even touch the bottom of a lake without freaking out over the sand. Also, I'm always scared that while I'm swimming, my foot will touch something, whether it be a sunken boat, a branch, or simply a piece of seaweed.

I don't know where these fears originated (although it most likely involves my grandpa making up stories about lake creatures and the fact that sunken ships in general are terrifying), but I can tell you real quick that they're highly annoying. But, thanks to Google, after a quick search, I found out that I'm not the only one with this strange fear. In fact, it's actually pretty common. It's actually a classified phobia: Thalassophobia- the fear of the sea.

That brings me to the title of this post. This weekend, we're up at a nice lake, and yesterday I decided to face my fears in swim in it. I wasn't going to spend four to five hours in a car ride and just swim in the pool, I want to swim in the lake. I decided to just jump in, figuratively and literally. It was freezing (yet refreshing) and terrifying, but I can say that I did it, and I actually had fun. I just didn't touch the bottom or look down, but I don't do that in pools either, so it's all good. At the lake, there's a dock that's floating out in the water, probably 150 feet out(but don't quote me on that I have no idea), and it's attached to the ground so it stays. It's at least 30-40 feet to the bottom already at the dock, so it's highly terrifying to swim out to it. But yesterday, within an hour of arriving here, my family and I swam out to the lake. I did it. It was awful and my heart was beating a thousand miles an hour, but I did it, and it felt nice doing it. Will I do it again? Probably not, but maybe.

After swimming out there, the lake did become a bit more fun. I swam in it all day yesterday, staying mostly in the area by our condo thing we're in, but that still got to at least 10 feet deep. I can't tell if the fact that this lake is super clear so you can see the bottom, even out by the dock, helps or not, but it's better than not being able to see the bottom so I guess it helps a little.

Although it's terrifying at the time, facing your fears can be super rewarding. And it allows you to feel like a badass for a bit, so that's another plus. I think I'm going to swim for a little bit now, but I just thought I'd update you. Go do something that scares you.

~Maddison

June 6, 2015. I don't know about you, but to me, that's a very important date. Why? Well, On the sixth of June at 6:26 pm, I was hugging none other than Tyler Oakley. It was such an amazing night and I'm sure I'll remember it for the rest of my life (hopefully).

My mom, brother, and I were in the car and heading to Seattle around 10:30 in the morning on June 6th, getting ready to explore the city a little and then be plenty early for Tyler's tour. We got to the city fairly early and drove around to figure out where we were, where the theater was, and where we could park close to the theater. After all of that, we had plenty of time to spare, so we went down to the pier.

On the pier, we walked around a bit, but there really wasn't much to do. After some mindless walking around, we found our way to the ferris wheel (Seattle Great Wheel). My mom and little brother were hesitant to go on it, but I was nearly skipping to the line. We bought are tickets and then headed to the line to wait. The line was relatively short, and soon enough we were in one of the little pod things. The ride goes pretty slow, but not excruciatingly so. When you reach the top, you feel like you're at the top of the world. It was a really nice day last Saturday, so we could see everything from Mt. Rainier to the Space Needle. It was super picturesque and lovely. I also wanted to take a selfie a the top, so I did and that was fun as well.

After the ferris wheel, we ate lunch and then headed towards the Moore Theater so that we could be early enough. We were plenty early, so we walked down the street to the Starbucks and chilled out for a while. Soon enough, it was time to start heading back to the theater to enjoy the best night of my life.

We arrived at the theater around 4:20 pm, and got into line. The VIP meet and greet was supposed to start at 5 pm, but due to delays it didn't start until later (5:45/6 if my memory serves correctly). Since it was a nice day out (around 80/85F), the wait in the line was excruciating. We were in direct sunlight with the heat bouncing around us, but hey I got a little tan so I'm not going to complain. While waiting in line, everyone in our group DM on Twitter was going crazy with excitement. I actually got to meet two of my internet friends in line, which was super exciting. We took a really cute selfie together and sent it to our other friend who lives in a different state. I would have met the others in the group chat, but we were all far too excited and scattered to meet up properly, maybe some other time.

When the line finally started moving, everyone started getting more and more excited- this was finally happening! Each person was checked in at the door to make sure that they actually had VIP tickets. I was the only one in my family that did, but my mom just asked if she could come back with me, and the lady let them through since they had show tickets. She just gave me the VIP lanyard, and the three of us were off.

The meet and greet was down in the bar area, but it worked. They put us into line, gave us the rundown of how things were going to work, and then we were left to wait for Tyler to come out. When he came, everyone started screaming and got all fangirly. I don't think it finally hit me that I was going to meet him until I was next in line and about to walk up and hug him.

I handed my phone to the guy taking the pictures and took a shaky breath, walking over to Tyler and hugging him. He gives the best hugs omg. He's the perfect mixture of soft and cuddly, but also nice and firm. He was super sweet and adorable. I actually wrote down our entire conversation so I wouldn't forget, so here it is:

Ty: Hi!
Me: omg hi
Ty: I like your shirt wait it's so cute I haven't really looked at them yet
Me: *shows shirt* yeah it's so cute and my mom *points* was so happy that it wasn't black so good job
Ty: wait is that your mom? Hi *waves to my mom*
*hugs and takes pictures*
Ty: Thank you for coming
Me: omg of course thank you so much
Ty: *waves goodbye* wait I love your hair and thank you for donating
Me: of course thank you

I think it's safe to say that I died. I'm still dead. He's just so sweet and he loved my hair. Also, since it's a "slumber party" tour, everyone was dressed in pj's. He was wearing a sloth onesie, and I was wearing my Trevor Project shirt that I got from donating from his birthday fundraiser. Those were the best 30-60 seconds of my life and I was so shaky after I couldn't even take my picture with Korey.

After walking away from Tyler, I walked to his best friend Korey who also is on tour with him. We got a cute selfie and he's so tall he had to shrink like twelve feet (or like a foot, same difference) to get on my level. Here's my conversation with Korey:

Me: omg hi you're so cute and colorful
K: thank you
*hands phone*
Me: wait okay you take the selfie you're taller and less shaky
K: okay here I'll shrink and get down on your level
*takes selfie*
*hugs again*

This was honestly the best night of my life and I never want to forget it. After the meet and greet, we were led to the main part of the theater where we bought bought water and I bought some tour merch. We waited for a bit before they opened the doors for the show, and then we went in and found our seats. The show was hands down one of the funniest things I've ever experienced. I filmed (and my mom) most of it until my camera battery died, and put it up on YouTube, so if you want to watch that, it will be right here. 

~Maddison

It takes someone with a very special set of skills to trip up the stairs. I have those skills. I wish I didn't have these skills, but alas, I still manage to trip. And it's not even like once in a while I might stumble or something, but it's at least once or twice a month and I totally just trip and it's awful and embarrassing. 

I wish I was talking about tripping up the stairs at home, but nope. I don't have stairs in my house (although when I did I would trip while running up them about once every few days... I wish I was joking). I trip up the stairs at school. Out of all of the places in the entire world, of course I would be the one to be clumsy at school in front of everyone else trying to get to class. God bless the fact that I don't give a single crap about what people (especially the irrelevant twats at school) think of me, so it's not that emotionally scarring.

In fact, when I tripped this morning, the girl behind me asked if I was okay, and then she tripped, so that honestly made my day. I don't care if she meant it or not, but the fact that I wasn't the only one made everything better. We then laughed at ourselves and made it (successfully) to the top without another mishap.

The weirdest thing isn't the fact that I trip, but I'm usually not a very clumsy person. I'm just going to blame it on my school because those stairs are steeper than the ones in the main building, so obviously that's the problem. Yep, that should help my self esteem. Blame it on the school.

Does anyone else have this problem? Please tell me I'm not the only one.

~Maddison

Most people want the perfect 4.0, 100, straight A's, etc etc, and I totally understand that, I want that too. However, I'm starting to realize that it's okay not to be perfect, as long as you're trying. Now, I'm not saying that grades aren't important, they totally are, but it's not the end of the world if you end up having a B in a class. Getting one bad grade won't hurt you. In fact, having a somewhat lower grade in a harder level class can actually be for your benefit. For example, say you took Pre-AP (or honors) Chemistry and you're getting an 87 in the class. Although yes, you want the A, it's better than taking regular chemistry and getting an 99 in the class. Colleges don't just look at your GPA and grades, they look at your course load and how well you're doing with the classes overall.

Also, having a lower grade in a class does NOT make you stupid. Some people don't understand or like a particular subject, and that's totally okay. If you're not good at art, *cough* me *cough* nobody will ridicule you for it and it will simply just "not be your thing." However, some people don't apply the same logic to other classes such as English, Math, History, Science, all of the required courses, etc etc. This irritates me because then the person is labeled as "stupid," when in reality they just don't get that subject. For me, having an 85 in ceramics is killing me, since I hate that it's my one B, but I'm learning to just accept it. I'm trying my hardest, and that's all that matters. When I apply to colleges, they won't look at my transcript and think, "Oh no, she got an 85 in ceramics, she obviously can't be accepted." No. They won't. I'm a writer. I write. I want to be a journalist, an author, a blogger, a writer. I don't see myself making clay pots for my career. It's simply something I'm just okay at. And that might be you with something else.

Sometimes, you just have to be happy with the fact that you're trying and learning, so who cares what anyone else thinks. To me, trying is everything. Effort shows through far brighter than anything else.

Upon having this realization, it's been weird to think about, almost scary even. I'm a really good student (my GPA is a 3.8), and I excel in school, so the thought of not getting really good grades kind of scares me, I'm not going to lie. The thought of getting a C in a class is appalling to me. I allow myself to have one B a year, because I know that there will be at least one class in which getting an A would be harder for me. I gave myself this little break when I received my first B (an 89, so close yet so far to that 90 A) in a pre-algebra class in seventh grade. Throughout middle school (seventh and eighth grade), My B was pre-algebra and algebra one. Granted, the "B" was nearly an A, as I had anywhere from an 88-93 average for the two years, but some grading periods it just wanted to stay an 89. Then, I did geometry last year and I hated it. I praised my 85 average. The funny thing though is that this year, my algebra two grade has been a high A all year, so I guess I'm finally back on good terms with math.

I think it's good to allow yourself one or two (or three, whatever you want) "lower" grades a year. Lord knows that if I forced myself to have straight A's, especially during high school, I would probably already have a head full of gray hair. Allowing yourself grace times to be a human and not some robot genius is good. Challenge yourself, but know your limits.

~Maddison

Music recommendation: Technicolour Beat by Oh Wonder

Here's a link to it on YouTube: Technicolour Beat by Oh Wonder

It's such a great song, my friend Court suggested it to me and I've been listening to it nonstop. I love it.

Growing up, I read a lot. I mean a LOT. I was always reading and it was fantastic. But for the past few years, especially since I entered high school, I've found that I don't read that often anymore. I simply "don't have the time" (yet I find the time to mindlessly scroll Tumblr for hours...). In all honesty, I have plenty of time- I have all of the time in the world, yet I simply just spend all of that time on the internet.

I wanted to change this habit, so last year for one of my goals I wanted to read at least 100 books. Yeah, that totally didn't happen. I had the intention to, I really did, but alas I had a ton of homework and was constantly on the internet. I think I read a total of about ten books last year, nowhere near the hundred that I wanted to read. 

I'm proud to say though that this year, I've read about thirteen books so far! That's three more than I read in all twelve months last year. Bringing books to school really helps. You never know when you're not going to do anything in class, and having a book you actually want to read on hand is a lifesaver.

Granted, I am a naturally fast reader and I love everything about reading, so it's definitely nice being able to just read and save my phone battery sometimes. Reading is a nice way to escape the real world and dive into a world that someone else has created. As long as I'm reading, I'm not thinking about life, I'm just focused on my book. It's truly one of the best feelings.

I've been thinking about doing a few book reviews on here just for fun, so I might just do that soon (or not, who knows). But, if I don't do reviews, I'll definitely try to list some of my favorite books and such every once in a while.

~Maddison

My favorite books I've read so far this year:

The Giver- Lois Lowry 

Any of Ellen Degeneres' books 

We Should Hang Out Sometime- Josh Sundquist

And anything by John Green

It's been a very long while, I know. But you see, the problem is that I've simply felt "blah" and couldn't write. I don't really know how to explain my feelings without hand gestures and weird facial expressions, but it's just that general blah feeling, you know?

Besides feeling weird, I've done some things in the past month that are pretty cool I think. I started  April off by finally getting my driver's license, and it feels so amazing to be able to go anywhere by myself. If we're being totally honest here, all I ever do when I drive by myself is sing. Not even to any music, but I just sing. The car is the only place where I can be truly alone, so I just sing my heart out. It's amazing and I love it.

Also this month, I learned how to merge both of my blogs together so now instead of hardly updating two blogs, now I just have one to hardly post on. I'm kidding. Kind of. I've also added tags to all of my posts, so that should help with organization and stuff.

It's so weird to think that April is almost over. We're almost one third of the way done with 2015. That's absolutely insane to think about. I'm really excited for May to come because once that's over then it will be June and on June 18th I have my last day of school. Honestly, God bless. I'm so done with school here it's insane. And hopefully in the next two months my family will know what the heck we're going to do about moving home or not. Oh how I wish that we'll actually move home this summer. Maybe once I'm home I'll feel happier. I don't know.

I have lots of ideas for blog posts (I literally have a huge list on my phone), but I have no idea when my next post will be or what about. What do you do when you feel all empty and blah? Does anything help you? Let me know if the comments if you want, or not, I won't be upset. I love each and every person who reads my blog and I hope you're all feeling happy and content.

~Maddison

Today my little brother and I had a sudden strike of inspiration and decided that we wanted to cook the family dinner tonight. We found self-rising rolls in the freezer while scavenging things for lunch, so we put those out because they're delicious. Then, whilst eating lunch, we thought that we should just cook dinner for everyone.

We rummaged through the house to look for things to cook. We found chicken breasts and various chips, so we decided on chip crusted chicken chunks (which can be found easily with a simple Google search). We've made these before, and they were amazing, so we thought why not do it again. We set the chicken out to thaw for a few hours and got our plans for dinner ready.

We had lots of fun making dinner together. We ended up making three flavors of the chip crusted chicken chunks: Fritos, Sour Cream and Onion, and Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. We also had leftover chicken breasts since we over calculated how much chicken we would need, so we put a little bit of seasoning on them and started grilling them on the stove top. Meanwhile, we were also cooking pasta, the rolls we found earlier, green beans, iceberg lettuce salad, and a fruit salad.

Cooking dinner together was filled with laughs and everything tasted delicious, if I do say so myself. It was also a great way to give back to my family. Mom didn't have to worry about finding something to make, and we even did the dishes after. It was a really good time.

I encourage you to make dinner for your family once soon. It's so rewarding, and you won't regret it. But also make sure to offer to do the dishes after as well, no matter how much you hate doing them.

Chicken and sides

I hope that my little brother and I will make dinner for the family again soon- it was a ton of fun and a really rewarding experience.

~Maddison

Sometimes the best place in school is the library. If you ever need a place to hide out a little during school events such as pep rallies, assembly's, lip dubs, etc, the library is always a good option if you can't leave.

Libraries are always quiet, and usually, there' not many people in there. It's a great little hiding spot where you can think and get stuff done. Want to work on homework without distractions? Go to the library. Want to be alone for a while? Go to the library. Want to find a good book? Library.

Libraries are great. Hopefully you know where your school library is and it stays open most, if not all, school day.

Sorry for such a short post, but I've been running low on inspiration lately. Hopefully I'll get it back sometime.

~Maddison

No matter what happens in life, your perspective does matter. Take the picture above for example. If I had taken it at a different angle or focused on something else, it would be a totally different picture. Perspective is everything.

Perspective is defined as:

"a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; point of view"

Are you a pessimist? Optimist? Realist? Those are usually the three main categories of how humans perceive life. Although it's hard to change your general outlook of life, sometimes it's helpful in finding happiness. Being pessimistic about everything is draining. Take a few minutes and make a list of the better things that are happening. List what you're passionate about, what you love, what brings you joy, what calms you down, literally anything. I've started doing this recently and it's excruciating at first, especially when I don't want to like anything. But the more you do it, the more you come to terms with liking things. You can feel yourself regaining some of your happiness and it feels amazing.

"Perspective Journal"

Things you need:

-A journal of any shape or size

(or, if you don't have an extra journal lying around and don't want to go buy a new one, you can take a few sheets of paper, fold them in half, and staple it all together like the books you would make in elementary school)

-Pens/Pencils

Honestly, that's it. It's such a simple project. At first you might only have a few things to write down, but it gets easier the longer you do it. You don't have to write in it every single day, but at least a few times a week. Who knows, you might even find yourself thinking more positively.

~Maddison

I've been really slacking when it comes to blogging, and writing in general really. I say I don't have time, even if I do, or I say that I'll do it later, even if I wont. It's annoying. I feel like I have so many things that I "have" to do, but in reality, I really don't. I should be writing more than I do. But on the other hand, if I feel like this, I feel like my writing isn't as good as it should be. I keep telling myself that summer will be better, but I have to make that a reality. I can't keep doing the same stuff and then expect my habits to change drastically when summer begins.

I understand that I can't jump back into everything right away and that I have to ease into it, but that's going to take a while. I don't know how long, exactly, but it definitely won't happen overnight. I think a big part of this whole problem is that I have to fix my mind before I try to fix my writing habits. I need to find myself and happiness again first.

Although this is a short little post, I feel like y'all deserve a little insight as to why I've been posting so much less these days. I'm trying hard to fix my self, but that takes a lot of time. Hopefully one day soon I'll be back to how it was in the beginning- posting regularly and such, but until then, I hope you enjoy the posts I do post.

~Maddison

You've seen the movies. You've read it in books. Before you get to high school, everyone has an idea of how it will be. Whether you imagine fights, the different classes, finding yourself, High School Musical, parties, etc, everyone's imagined what high school is like. Even if you hear what it's like from a person in the high school you're going to attend, you still can't imagine it until you're actually there. It's some weird phenomenon that comes with high school.

Although you're only getting my point of view of high school in this post, it's better than nothing. Plus, I've attended to VERY different high schools across the country from each other, so that also adds some insight. Now before I actually start, I feel like you should know how I work at school. I'm a very intellectual student who takes all of the higher/harder classes. I love to be challenged. I'm definitely not "popular" by any means, but I try to be a decent human being.

High school isn't an easy time. Not only do you have to worry about grades, school, college, and where your life is heading (as if that isn't bad enough), but you also have personal things going on in your life. Whatever it is, be it crushes, family problems, personal problems, health issues, anything can throw you off of your game. The key to beating this is to simply find something that your enjoy and submerge yourself fully into it. Do whatever you can to make yourself happy and healthy. That's really all that matters.

When it comes to the people in high school, some are great and some are awful. Just like with the entire human population. Some are wonderful, some are horrible. High school doesn't have to be filled with tons of drama. Honestly, I  haven't dealt with tons drama/bullies/gossip in my school career. I just don't associate with that kind of stuff. Sure, you might not be totally up to date with everything happening in the school, but that's perfectly okay, especially when that kind of stuff just hurts people. Something that is super helpful with people is to not care about what they think of you. Your self worth is not based on how others perceive you. It might take some work, but if you can learn to not care about how others think of you, you feel so much better. Most people are too worried about themselves to even think about your flaws for too long. You're great just the way you are, trust me on this.

One thing I can tell you that applies to every high school ever, is the fact that High School Musical was a movie, and not based on an actual high school experience. Nobody breaks out into unrehearsed song and dance and knows exactly what to do. Unless you're in a dance/ music class. Then you will sing and dance. But it's usually rehearsed. Anyways, don't expect magical song and dance numbers during passing periods because it's not happening.

Those are a few little insights on what high school is really like, for me at least. Maybe I'll do a part two on this topic for a future blog post, but maybe not, it all depends really.

~Maddison

In my last blog post, I wrote about how excited I was about the future and things. I'm so super excited for this summer that sometimes I forget that it's still a few months away. I was re-watching was of Troye Sivan's videos, "Dear Future Me" and it got me thinking. I don't make New Year's Resolutions, but instead, I make New Year's goals. I've been doing this for quite a while actually, but I usually keep it private and to myself. But this year, I feel like sharing some of my goals with you guys, just as an extra push to complete them and and as a way to look back next year and see how much I accomplished. And yes, I know that it's February already, but it's never to late to share your goals, and I've had them written down since New Year's, so yeah.

2015 Goals

1. Get a passport

I dream of traveling the world one day, but in order to do that, I need a passport. And I want one just to have one. To say that I could go to a different country whenever I want.

2. Read more

I used to absolutely love reading, but over the last few years, I've read less and less due to having lots of homework and no extra time and then the extra time I did have I didn't want to read, but I really want to change that this year. I don't care how many books I read, but at least one every month.

3. Write more

I love writing. I've been doing it for as long as I can remember, and I still have a few stories that I've written from first and second grade. Writing is amazing, it really truly is one of my favorite things. This year, I want to do more creative writing than I did last year. I want to work on more short stories and things like that.

4. Find joy in the little things

As someone who struggles with mental illness, this is really important to me. I don't want to focus on all of the bad things. I really want to try to be more positive by finding joy in the small things. Instead of absolutely hating everything and being annoyed all of the time, I want to try to think about the few things that I do enjoy and that make me happy.

5. Take more pictures

I bought a camera recently, and I absolutely love it. It's so much fun to play with and figure how it works. This year, I want to take more pictures to have more memories. Whether I take pictures of a flower or my family, I just want something besides my blogs and journals to look back on. I want to remember the way things look/are, not just how they felt.

6. Save more
I'm actually a pretty decent saver of my money. I tend to take any money that I make and put it directly into my savings account and not to transfer too much into my checking account. That being said, I do tend to buy things a lot. And when I buy things, it's usually not the smallest and cheapest purchases. For example, I bought my own camera, my own Vidcon ticket, most of my own merch, etc etc. So I really do save a lot, but I tend to spend too. This year, I want to save more.

Those are just a few of my main goals for 2015. I hope that I can look back on this post next year and say, "You know what? 2015 was a great year. I accomplished a lot of my goals." I'm not saying I will achieve every single goal that I wrote (because there's a ton more), but I'm saying that I hope to complete most of them. I really hope that 2015 is one of my best years yet.

~Maddison

Taking care of your health, both mental and physical, is just as important as school. Don't let people tell you that you have to go to school every single day of every single year, no matter the circumstances. Make sure you're feeling okay before you force too much of yourself.

This has been a short little rant-ish post, but I just feel like this is important. I hope you're enjoying yourself and staying well.

~Maddison

Hey hi hello how are you? Good? Good. Today I got really super excited for the future. I think looking at my PSAT scores and college stuff online really started it. But I'm just so unbelievably excited for the future. Not only college in a few years, but this summer is going to be one of the best ones yet. Not only am I most likely moving home this summer, but I also get to go to Vidcon. If you don't know, Vidcon is this giant YouTube convention down in Anaheim, California and it's going to be so much fun.

I've been so bubbly and giggly and just overall excited for the future today and it's been so long since I was excited about the future, or could even see a future for me. This just got a bit deep what whatever. I'm so excited and I need a way to share it. Also, I think I've decided the major I want too. I know for sure that I want to write. I don't care what I'm writing, I just want to write. I think my ideal career was if I was a travel journalist who takes pictures and writes stories and has a blog or something. That would be my all time favorite job. But honestly, as long as I'm writing, I'll be happy, which is why I think I want my major to be journalism with a minor in creative writing.

I know I've said this so many times already, but I'm so happy. Who knew that the thought of college could make someone so happy? I also want a job too, but I don't know where I would work. I'm thinking a library would be so much fun, and there's one by my school I could walk to, but I don't know if they hire teenagers. I don't care, I'll find something. Maybe I'll work at a bookstore. I don't care, as long as I'm doing something enjoyable.

~Maddison

Sorry I haven't written anything for a while, but in all honesty, I didn't feel like I should be running this blog giving advice and tips if I absolutely hate school. I don't know, I just felt like I'd be fake if I didn't say the truth. Don't worry though, I'm still going to keep this blog, but I might only upload once a month or so. I'll try not to take too long between blog posts, and I'll try to make my posts useful.

But now it's time to sip that truth tea. If you can manage to get through your entire school career without once saying, "I hate school," then you're either Jesus or a liar, but most likely the last one. School can absolutely suck sometimes, let's be real here. And don't get me wrong, I absolutely love learning things, but I feel like the education system is all wrong. Now a days, it's more about passing and getting good grades to get into a good college to get a good job, than actually taking the time to learn. Thank the Lord I'm a really good student, otherwise I don't know what I'd do.

I know that school is hard, trust me, I know. Even if the coursework itself isn't too difficult, actually going to school is hard. I feel like I spend more time dreading school than anything. And if we're being honest here, I probably wouldn't hate school as much if I didn't have to move, but this year is supposed to teach me something. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be learning, but I know that there was a point to this move. Maybe it's easier to say that now knowing that I'm most likely moving home this summer, I don't really know. But I still have to deal with the next six months of school and sometimes I don't really know how I'm going to do it, which is why I thought of this blog post. I'm going to give some tips that help me get through the school day, and they might help you too.

If school completely overwhelms you:

1. Try to relax

It's easier than it might seem. Look at this list if you need ways to relax:

Relaxation

2. Take breaks

It's good for everything. Take a few ten minute breaks every once in a while to stretch your legs, get some water, or to get a snack. Let your mind wander and do something fun. Try a relaxation technique.

3. Don't push yourself

You don't need to spend all night working on homework. You just wear yourself out. Try to procrastinate less and just work on the main things that are due the next day. If you have time after finishing the things due the next day, then start working on pieces of other work that's due at a later date.

4. Music, music, music

I can't stress enough just how important music is. Make a Spotify account. Make some playlists or use theirs. Listen to music. Literally, listen to music whenever you can. I like to listen to music softly while doing homework. Bring your headphones to school and listen to music in the halls during passing periods or whatever. Literally, music is amazing.

5. Don't worry about one bad grade

If you can redo/retake it to get a better grade, do it. If not, just know that it's okay. You can't always be number one. One bad grade won't kill you. And colleges don't really truly look at every single grade. They look at the classes you took and how well you did overall. One bad grade won't kill you. You'll be okay.

6. Think of happy thoughts

Think of your favorite things. It can be whatever you want- food, sports, the future, things that make you laugh, friends,etc, etc. Try to replay happy moments of your life. I find that just thinking of a few things that I'm really excited for instantly bring a smile to my face.

7. Breathe

In and out, just like that. You can do this. You will be okay. Everything will turn out okay in the end and if it's not okay, it's not the end. You can do this.

Above all else, the last one is truly the most important. Just breathe.

~Maddison