Is it too early in the year to drop out and become a hobo? Probably not, but a girl can dream. When I heard people say junior year would be the hardest, I believed them, but I didn't expect it to be this bad. Every single day last week I had about seven to eight hours of homework. I was up until midnight doing homework, and I would start when I got home from school. Then, you throw on the actual grades. My grades so far are the absolute worst they've ever been- I have five B's. Five. Granted, one's an 89 that I can probably bump up to an A, but still. That's the most I've ever had in my entire academic career. I don't mean to sound like that type of person, but I usually only have one B per year, and I had straight A's until I hit Algebra 1 in middle school. The fact that I have multiple B's literally kills me.
One of my B's is in English and honestly, it's mainly due to this class discussion that we had last week and I couldn't talk so I failed and got a 65 on. Let me just rant a little bit about grading class discussions for a bit. First off, there are shy people in every class. Forcing a grade onto a discussion doesn't make them want to speak up any more than if it wasn't graded. Secondly, you have people with intense anxiety who literally can't function is a discussion setting. Third, if you just let people talk without calling on anyone, you get the people who dominate the discussion and get all of the points. Grading class discussions is one of the absolute worst things you could possibly think to do.
My next B is in aerobics. I took aerobics because I heard that it was easier than PE and quite frankly, getting sweaty and all red faced isn't my thing, but this class is like actual working out. It's hard and we work out and we have to do the mile on Wednesday's just like the PE classes. In order to make a 100 on the mile, you have to run it in nine minutes. Nine minutes. To get an A it needs to be between nine and ten minutes, and then it goes down five points every thirty seconds. Granted, the teacher helps buffer your grade because if she sees that you're trying, she'll give you a few extra points to help you out. I am extremely out of shape. I ran a mile once, like four years ago. I made my mile in 13 minutes, which meant that I failed it. My teacher bumped my grade to a 70, but my average grade in the class is an 82. I get 100's for participation, but the mile counts for a test grade (60%), so it's as if the hundreds don't even matter.
I have an 89 right now in APUSH, and in all honesty, that's okay. That's a hard class. Plus, I'm pretty sure I can bump it up by the end of this week. Another B is in Pre-Calculus, and I'm fine with that one too. Pre-Cal is hard and I'll gladly accept the stupid B. My last B is in WHAP and it's an 88, and I have a notebook check tomorrow that I'll get a 100 on, so I'm not too worried about it. In all honesty, I don't really care about WHAP- APUSH is my top priority right now.
As if I wasn't stressed enough as it is, I'm going to work even harder to get A's. I can't stand having such poor grades, it literally makes me sick. My anxiety is off the charts right now, and I honestly just want to give up, but I know that I can't. I'm going to try my hardest to get my grades up by the semester mark, because the semester is really all that matters.
I'm not even going to apologize for this post honestly. I need to get this off my chest and write it down, even if nobody reads it. So if you did read this giant rant, do you have any advice? What would you do?
~Maddison
Also, the whole time I was writing this I was thinking of Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots:
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