Maddison's Musings

My anxiety has spiked in the last week and I have no idea why. Needless to say, this past week has not been my favorite. When I get nervous, I get nauseous, which makes me nervous, so it's really just an endless cycle, which is never a fun time. I can't tell if it's that end-of-spring-semester-holy-shit-why-is-there-so-much-work-to-do stress, the fact that I probably want to stop piano lessons for a bit but I have no idea how to tell my piano teacher, the idea that in the next month I have to write a 15 page paper on Margaret Atwood's "The Handmaid's Tale" and then give a 10 minute presentation on said paper, something else, or simply all of the above. Now that I type it out, yeah, it's probably all of the above. I think the worst part about this week is that everything I'm worried about is so far ahead in the future, I know I shouldn't been worrying about it, which just makes me feel even more shitty because my brain won't shut the fuck up, you know?

On Thursday, I was so anxious that I skipped all of my classes and sat in the library doing work all day. I did go and check out the Counselling and Psychological Services (I'll refer to it as CAPS because I'm lazy and don't want to type the whole thing out again) at my university and I scheduled a walk-in appointment instead of going to my English class, which did help a bit. Since it was my first time visiting CAPS, it was really just like a "get to know you"/"what's wrong" type of appointment, but it did help. I met with a psychologist and we discussed my options and she gave me a few references for cognitive therapy, which helps with anxiety disorders. I also got to play with a CAPS/UTA themed fidget spinner and stress ball for the hour, so that was another plus. But the one thing I really took away were how many resources that my university has to offer. Each semester, I get six free CAPS counselling sessions, since part of my tuition pays for it. They also have licensed, professional psychologists, so they know what they're doing. I also liked how confidential it all was. When I did therapy in the past, I wasn't as open and honest because I knew my mom could get the information if she needed to. But at school, I was completely honest with who I am and my mental health history, which was so relieving. I think I'm going to reach out to some of the resources she gave me and try to go to therapy again, because my anxiety is really getting on my nerves (pun intended). I highly suggest you check out what type of resources are available at your school/university/workplace, especially if they're free/you're already paying for it with your tuition.

Another thing we discussed on Thursday was how mindful meditation helps reduce anxiety, stress, and other mental health issues. I've actually been trying to meditate more this week, and I did find that it helped me calm down, even if it was only during the actual meditation session. I've been using the app called Headspace, and I really like it. I tried to meditate between 20-30 minutes each night before bed last week, and I found that it helped me fall asleep quicker as well. It lulled me into a calm state, and for a little bit, I felt alright again. I was given a list of free mental health/wellness apps, so I'll scan the handout and leave it down below for you to check out as well.

Overall, although this has been a tougher week for me, I am feeling better now, and I'm glad that I have these resources to fall back on. If you also suffer from anxiety or other mental health issues, how do you try to calm yourself down or cheer yourself up? Besides meditating, I like to watch sitcoms, such as The Office, or I watch Bob Ross painting. I also like to journal, and I have a whole journal dedicated to when I'm not feeling my best. Even talking to someone can be helpful. Above all else, I want to remind you that you're not alone in your struggles. Somewhere out there someone else might be feeling the same as you. Hopefully spring will bring positive growth in your life.

~Maddison