Maddison's Musings

As I enter my final year of college I'm already trying to push myself more than I have before, but not just academically. Sure, taking the max credit load each semester in order to graduate early can definitely count as pushing it, but I've been doing it since my second semester, so it's become my normal. And contracting two classes through the Honors college each semester is just something that I have to do to graduate with honors. So that's just a normal semester so far. But this year, I want to try something new: getting more involved at school. I want to join a few clubs and force myself to be more social. I feel like I constantly hear stories about those "friends from college" everyone seems to have, and as a very introverted commuter student, I haven't made those kinds of connections in my last two years. There are a few people I know and have had classes with, sure, but I never go out of my way to hang out with them or consider them actual friends, you know? Anyways, even though I've only been back to school for a week, I have already pushed myself to be more social. I went to various back to school events/activities and even went to a game night event and met/hung out with some people while playing UTA themed Monopoly. So far, I'm proud of myself. I have various events scheduled on my calendar that I want to try to attend over the course of the semester, and I'm trying to force myself to talk to people more. One of my classes has a lot of small group discussions and activities, and I tried to make sure that I was actively participating and speaking with the group. While this is hard for me usually, I'm hoping that by pushing myself over the next year, I can leave UTA with more than just a degree. And I'm not saying that I expect myself to turn around completely and somehow become able to speak to other humans or make friends normally, but I won't let myself stay so closed off to other people. 

I think that I've spent a lot of my time in college so far with my head down, doing my work and trying my hardest to get out of Texas as quickly as possible so that I could start actually living my own life, but I don't think that strategy has been working out incredibly for me. Sure, I'm good academically, but socially, I'm still floundering. I'm still trying to figure out who I am and what I'm supposed to do with this life, and I've spent so much time just trying to shorten my stay in Texas that I haven't really let myself experience things. So this year I'm focusing on the experiences. I have a few internship opportunities up my sleeve. I want to take a trip to New York. I'm joining a few clubs and societies. Maybe I'll go on a date and try not to get murdered, who knows. All I know is that I want my final year here to be different, to mean something more to me. Hopefully I succeed with my mission.

~Maddison