Maddison's Musings

This is typically the part of the post where I would talk about how bad and weird this year was and then we all have a collective bonding moment over the horrors of 2020, but honestly, I'm lazy and we've all lived through this year, so why bring all that up? Exactly. Which is why I'm just gonna skip this little intro bit and jump right into some of my favorite memories/highlights of 2020.

January

February

March

Ah, March. I miss you. Just kidding. March started out okay. My family and I went to New Orleans for a few days during spring break right before all hell broke loose. It was fun and pretty, but it was a road trip, and I'm not a road trip person. Especially when said road trip is over nine hours long. No thank you. Like most schools, UTA gave us a second week of spring break before everything went online. I was fine with online classes, especially since I was an English major, so a lot of it just became "hey read this book/article and do a discussion board with two to three comments." I think I was one of the few people who actually liked online classes, but I also knew that I only had like two months left of school, so I don't think anything could have brought me down too much. I finished my first draft of my senior project and emailed all twenty or so pages to my mentor for her to go over. My cap and gown arrived in March so I tried those on and realized just how close I was to being done with school.

April

May

June

July

August

I feel like August was a roller coaster, which says a lot about that month. I spent a solid 20 days out of that month extremely anxious according to my mood tracker. Remember in June when I said I applied to grad school? Well, I had gotten in. And for some reason I was fully ready to do it, but then August came around and tuition was due and I realized I didn't really want to go into debt just yet so I dropped out before the semester started. In my defense, I had applied for a master's in social work after having taken zero social work classes, so perhaps it's for the best that I didn't go through with that. I also didn't go through with a family vacation to Seattle because I thought it was a bad idea with Covid still happening and just for my mental health in general. So I stayed home and took people to and from the airport and then got my nose pierced while everyone was gone without saying anything. August was one of my worst mental health months this year, so I finally did something about it and started going to therapy again. I usually go into the office and then get a (decaf) coffee on my way home and it's been good so far. I'm really glad I decided to reach out and get help again.

September

Not going to lie, not a lot happened in September. It was the first time that I kind of just sat back and watched everyone else go back to school while I sat at home and tried to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. However, one solid highlight from this month didn't even have anything to do with me but it still made me incredibly happy: Schitt's Creek swept the first hour of the Emmy's and won every single comedy award. There's something so special about that moment and I just remember sitting on the couch and watching the awards and live tweeting with my friends and everyone just kind of being like "I can't believe this is happening." I also took a six week novel writing class about characterization that started in September that really got me interested in writing again.

October

Okay maybe I lied about June being my favorite month of the year. October was just so good. Not because I turned 22, because fuck getting older and still not knowing what to do with your life, but because I got to see Megan again. Also because generally, October is usually my favorite month of the year and I refused to let a global pandemic stop me from enjoying the month. I voted early in the presidential election, got like three free birthday coffees at various coffeeshops, and spent a lot of time chilling. This time when Megan and I got together, we had nearly a full week together. We went to a pumpkin patch one day and got little pumpkins that we painted to look like David and Patrick from Schitt's Creek. We got matching t-shirts and walked around arm-in-arm and it was just so soft and good. We finished watching all of the Twilight movies and it really goes to show just how in love with her I am that I watched even one movie, let alone FIVE. I still cannot tell you what they were about because I have no fucking clue. We also went to a really cute flower shop one of the days and bought each other flowers. She's just the best person I know and I'm so fucking lucky and glad that we got nearly a whole week together.

November

Like most fools, I went into November with the hopes of doing National Novel Writing Month (aka NaNoWriMo). I think I wrote 2,000 words total before I gave up. Perhaps I'm just not destined to write that gay spy novel that's fully planned out in my mind. I've been working on it since high school but I always seem to stop for one reason or another. Oh well. So I didn't write a novel in November, but it's okay because at least Trump lost the election. I also tried camping for a day in November, but then I had no cell service and I found a bug in my bra, so I came home early and just bought the Sims 4 camping pack.

December

Sometimes I like to think back on the journey it took for me to be comfortable with my gender and sexuality. Despite an endless amount of journals, I really don’t remember much about high school/the last few years in general, but do I remember the fear, shame, and embarrassment I felt for being queer as I grew up. I remember friends talking about boys and my whole body tensing up. I remember pastors condemning homosexuality. I remember feeling fake and just so so tired. I remember my first English class in college where I wrote an essay about the importance of comprehensive sex education courses in high school. We did a group edit session and I remember saying “I wrote this because it’s something that’s important to me as a gay person” and I kind of held my breath and waited for someone to recoil. But nobody cared and it was so goddamn freeing to sit in a room full of strangers and talk about being gay and not care what they thought. Over time, all the sadness and shame I felt in high school melted away. Nobody gave a fuck in college. I was a goddamn English major with a Women and Gender Studies minor, where most of us in classes were queer. While I always felt safe and supported online, college was the first time I felt that way in person.

However, that whole time, I was never quite comfortable with my sexuality. I identified as bi for the longest time, but I would only ever use the term “gay” if I mentioned my sexuality. Bi didn’t feel right, but I was so uncomfortable with the word “lesbian” that I refused to think of myself as one despite saying things like “I would never marry a man” or even “I can’t see myself dating a man.” I tried to justify it by saying things like “well, I can see myself with a nonbinary person, so that’s why I’m bi.” I wasn’t educated enough to know that lesbians can be attracted to nonbinary people too. I think I refused to think about it because lesbian always seemed like such a dirty word. Like it was something to be ashamed of. So I pushed it out of my mind for as long as I could.

I remember scrolling through twitter towards the end of last year and seeing a thread explaining that yes, lesbians can be attracted to nonbinary people too. It felt like a punch in the gut; the one excuse that I used to identify as bi had been eliminated. I remember dming the person who wrote the thread and asking questions. They were so nice and I remember sitting on my floor and just whispering, “I’m a lesbian” to myself. I felt thrilled. Giddy even. I huffed out a laugh and repeated it, louder this time. “I am a lesbian.” Something about that moment in time just Clicked. Things felt right. I was so fucking relieved. I remember telling my friends and getting such an outpouring of love and support. I wrote in my journal: 12/21/19, 2:35 am. “I’m a lesbian. :) I've been thinking about it for a week or so and kinda struggling with comphet and stuff, but yeah. I'm a lesbian. Feels good. Feels right. Feeling light and happy.” 

It’s been a little under a year since the realization and things are good. I’m still trying to figure out the whole gender thing, but knowing I’m a lesbian has brought so much relief into my life. That being said, while I am out and proud online, I'm not fully out to extended family members. Truthfully, I don't ever plan on telling them. If they figure it out, then they figure it out. But I don't think it's safe for me to come out to them. So on this national coming out day, I just want to remind everyone that whether you’re out or not, still figuring things out or secure in who you are, I love you and I support you. You’re valid and loved and remember that you don’t have to come out today if you’re not ready or not in an environment where it’s safe to do so. Take care of yourself first and remember that you can still celebrate from the closet without any shame.

Stay safe my dudes,

~Maddison

Schitt's Creek swept the entire comedy category tonight at the Emmys, taking home all seven awards presented in the first hour. The show was nominated for 15 total Emmys this year, and they've won nine so far (two awards were untelevised). As anyone who's seen this show can attest, I can truly think of no other show that is so deserving of these awards. Schitt's Creek shows a family as they come together and become the best versions of themselves as they learn and grow and adjust to life in the titular town. What starts as simply a funny comedy turns into one of the most heartfelt shows that I have ever watched.

I think that the thing that sets Schitt's Creek apart from any other show is the amount of warmth, kindness, love, and acceptance throughout the show. There is no homophobia or bigotry in this world. The residents of the small town are warm, funny, kind, dorky, and accepting. Even the major, Roland Schitt, who I kind of expected to be at least a little homophobic when I first watched, makes no "jokes" or remarks about David's pansexuality. In fact, in the first season, when Johnny tells Roland "My son is pansexual," Roland just replies "Oh yeah, I've heard about that. It's that cookware fetish," but he has nothing negative to say. 

The absence of homophobia throughout the show is one of the most wonderful and powerful things about this show. Dan Levy, the creator/writer/showrunner, made sure that the main queer romance in the show between David and Patrick was treated just like any heterosexual couple. We watch their relationship develop and witness highs and lows, but nothing bad happens simply because they are queer. The lows in their relationship, such as miscommunications and disagreements, are typical things that happen in any relationship.

David and Patrick are also allowed to be physical on-screen without repercussion. One of my favorite episodes, Pregnancy Test (4x02) had five kisses between David and Patrick within a single 21 minute episode. Compared to other shows like Modern Family that didn't even show an on-screen kiss between Mitch and Cam until the second season I believe, Schitt's Creek's casual displays of intimacy and affection help normalize queer intimacy. Where many shows/movies/etc. tend to over-sexualize or under-sexualize queer characters, Schitt's Creek just allows them to be queer and in love without making it a big deal.

As the show progresses, the characters soften and become better versions of themselves. Annie Murphy's character Alexis Rose has one of the best story arcs I have ever seen. Alexis transforms from a flighty socialite in the first episode into an intelligent woman who knows her worth and has so much love for her family by the finale. By the finale, Alexis is constantly telling her family that she loves them. Her last words on the show are even "I love you." While the queer representation in this show is incredible, it's also just a true testament to the power of love and acceptance. As Dan Levy said in his acceptance speech when the show won the Best Comedy award, "[This] show is, at its core, about the transformational effects of love and acceptance" and he's right. Every single character in this show grows and becomes a better person because they are loved and supported. Schitt's Creek is truly a place where everybody fits in and becomes better because of that. In a speech last year given at the GLAAD Awards, Dan reflected on his time in the closet and how he got to where he is today. He says, "Support, encouragement, and love. Three relatively simple acts of kindness that can change the course of a person's life." While he was reflecting on personal experiences, he later says, "When I found myself in the position to tell stories on a global scale, I seized the opportunity to make a television show that might, in its own way, offer some support, encouragement, and love to those who might not have it in their homes, in their schools, or in their day-to-day lives."

So yes, while Schitt's Creek is impossibly funny, it's also so full of love and warmth and I couldn't imagine any other show being so deserving to sweep the Emmys and win every single comedy award in their final season. I hope you're all staying healthy and taking care of yourselves, and for the love of god, watch Schitt's Creek.

Emmys Sweep Video

GLAAD Award Video

~Maddison

Hi friends. In case you haven't noticed, I've taken a break from blogging this year. Part of that is due to a lack of inspiration and motivation, while part of it is just due to the general chaos of the world right now. After seven years of writing a blog post at least once a month, I found myself constantly at a loss for new things to write each month. To be fully honest, I'm not sure if I have any inspiration or motivation back so much as I just wanted to sit down and write a little bit today.

For many people, this year has been difficult and filled with a lot of hardship, but I've actually had a pretty good time so far. Not like Generally, but personally, things have been good. I graduated college a whole year early (even though the "ceremony" was on zoom and I wish I didn't graduate early but shhh), I got a girlfriend, I hung out with my girlfriend, I got into grad school and then promptly dropped out of grad school, and my family got a dog. All-in-all, not too shabby. 

However, as summer comes to an end and my friends started heading back to school, I quickly realized that I have no idea what to do with my life going forward. Sure, I'd still like to edit books, but most of those jobs are at big publishing houses in New York City and considering I don't have the money to live there, I'm stuck in Texas for a while longer, where most of the editing jobs are more corporate based instead of creative based. So I don't know. I look at jobs every once in a while, but nothing really catches my interest. Sometimes I consider just working at Dunkin or Starbucks for a few months to earn some money (and get free pumpkin spice lattes), but then that wouldn't even give me the writing experience I need. I do want to thank my 14 year old self for starting this blog and updating it so frequently because I use that seven years of experience to my advantage. Work smarter, not harder, pals.

During my mid-summer oh-god-I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-my-life-the-world-is-in-shambles period, I ended up applying to grad school. Partly because I missed school, partly because I thought it would be interesting, and partly to distract myself after I sent my now-girlfriend a message telling her I liked her. Nothing like sending a message confessing your feelings and then panic applying to grad school in the middle of the night. Oh well. I mean it all worked out; I got in and even enrolled in classes before deciding at the beginning of the month that it wasn't something I really wanted to do (or could even afford oops). So now that grad school is out of the equation, I've tried to think of something to do to keep myself busy as the year ends, and I ended up finding some continuing education courses through my university. I signed up for a novel writing class about building characters that starts tonight, and I'm actually really excited for it. It allows me to continue learning, but with something I'm interested in, and it's only like six weeks long. We'll see how that plays out.

So while 2020 feels like the plot of a dystopian novel, I just wanted to write a little blog post today with some life updates. Considering it's the first thing I've written in months, I'm gonna take this as a good sign and hope that my motivation to write more comes back maybe. I guess we'll see. Until I write again (and god knows when that will be) I hope you're all staying safe and healthy. Wear a mask and make sure you're registered to vote if you live in America.

~Maddison

Schitt's Creek: Season 1

Season one of the Emmy nominated show Schitt's Creek premiered in 2015 and introduces us to the Rose family. The pilot episode opens at the worst possible moment: the Revenue agency shows up to tell the Roses that their business manager has run off and taken all of their money. Moira Rose (Catherine O'Hara) decides to spend the 15 minutes given to them to pack their valuables to scream and chose which wigs she gets to bring with them. Johnny (Eugene Levy) tries to stay calm, David (Dan Levy) takes to yelling at the agents repossessing their assets, and Alexis (Annie Murphy) is on the phone with a friend/boyfriend. I'm not usually a fan of pilot episodes in general, but this one is incredible. Watch it for Catherine O'Hara's screeching alone. The first season is mostly a fish-out-of-water/riches-to-rags comedy that shows these ridiculous people stuck in a tiny town. Honestly, the first season gets better after you rewatch the entire show since it really showcases their growth from shallow, self-centered people who hardly know each other into the loving family they are now. 

Schitt's Creek: Season 2

Schitt's Creek: Season 3

Schitt's Creek: Season 4

Schitt's Creek: Season 5

Schitt's Creek: Season 6

Currently streaming now on CBC in Canada and PopTv in America, the sixth and final season of Schitt's Creek is proving to be an excellent cherry on top of a fantastic series. Littered with little callbacks to previous seasons, this season focuses on David and Patrick as they plan their wedding, Alexis as she becomes a reputable PR agent for Moira and deals with a long-distance relationship with Ted after she mixes up the date and month on her plane ticket, Moira as she deals with the Crows movie success, Stevie as she tries to figure out what more could be out there for her, and Johnny as he tries to expand the Rosebud motel and potentially franchise it. So far, my favorite episode is "Moira Rosé" (6x07). It is quite possibly the perfect episode of Schitt's Creek. Not only do I love every single storyline, but it balances humor and love so well. We find David and Moira getting progressively more drunk while at a wine tasting, Alexis accidentally brings a handful of townspeople to a strange workout cult, and Patrick and Johnny have a heart-to-heart talk about David and the upcoming wedding. The first time I watched it with my mom, we laughed so hard that my mom insisted that we watch it again immediately once we finished (I've trained her well). There are still three episodes left of this season plus an hour-long documentary airing after the final episode on April 7th. I already know that it will be incredible and that most people will be sobbing (me included).

You once you watch this show

Stream the first five seasons on Netflix now and catch up on the sixth and final season of this incredible show before it ends. Also, this post lowkey started out as a joke, but then it made me cry multiple times because of how much I love this show so that's a mood.

~Maddison

The Miseducation of Cameron Post

Everything Leads to You

These Witches Don't Burn

Her Royal Highness

Written by: Rachel Hawkins

Published: 2019

274 Pages

This novel was cute. The writing wasn't my absolute favorite, and I couldn't find any information about the sexuality of the author which could also be impacting my judgment (because it makes me a little uncomfortable reading queer main characters written by straight people), but the general enemies-to-lovers trope roped me in. Although the main character is bisexual in this novel (which isn't made specific until page 92), I didn't know that going in, hence why this blog post is lesbian/wlw. The main character moves to Scotland to go to a fancy bording school only to find out that the princesss is her roommate and they do not like each other (at first). Gotta love a good enemies-to-lovers "oh no I have a crush on my roommate who is also the princess of Scotland" storyline tbh.

And there we have it. Seven lesbian/wlw ya novels reccommended by yours truly. I know there's a lot more lesbian novels out there, but I really just picked a random sampling of stories and also my favorites were the ones written more reccently. If you want, I could also do a post about the less-happy wlw novels from the 1970s-2000s, but I honestly wouldn't reccomend them as highly unless you really like sad queers/blatant homophobia. Let's leave sad queer stories in the past. Give me happy queer characters or face my wrath. Anywho, I'll be spending the next week or two working on my first draft of my senior project, so if you hear anyone screaming and/or sobbing, it may or may not be me.