Maddison's Musings

I stopped doing New Year’s goals and resolutions this year and instead, I’m trying to focus on resetting. I know a lot of people see the new year as a time to reset, set goals and/or resolutions, and become the best version of themselves. I see the merit. But for 2024, I don’t want to overwhelm myself with change right off the bat. In years past, I’ve made lengthy to-do lists, bucket lists, and goals for the new year, and I haven’t made a single list like that so far. I want to work on self-compassion and I want to make sure I am living for me and doing things that bring me joy. Other than that, I just want to see where this year takes me. And part of that fluid mindset involves this very blog.

As of last August, I’ve had this blog for a decade now. What started out as a small place to talk to myself as I started high school has now become my own little online journal. In the last decade, I have changed so much, but my ability to yap to myself online has remained constant. I rarely go through all of the posts that I’ve archived here over the last ten years, but I know that I have covered so many different topics while trying to find my “niche” as the fancy bloggers call it. I shared life updates, I posted tips for surviving high school and college, I tried to post mental health resources while I was struggling, I posted think pieces about coming out and living authentically, I’ve posted TV reviews and travel prices and book reviews. The point is, I’ve done a lot with this blog over the last decade and I have loved doing it. I stopped posting consistently when I started working after college and I got hit by the reality of adulthood. I’ve tried to change things up, make a profit, and force myself to type something out, pretending I had a loyal fan base to update. But I think that part of this new year I’m trying to embrace doing things because I love it and because I feel like doing it--not because it is a chore or something I have to do.

And one thing I have loved throughout my life has been reading and writing. I had a goal for 2023 to review every book I read on storygraph and I’m pretty sure I wrote a review for at least 15 books last year. I wanted to publish longer reviews here, but I didn’t have time or I never had deep insight into what I was reading. I won’t lie, I read a lot of really gay romance novels last year. Nothing wrong with that, but for most of the books I was reading, I was reading it for fun. To escape the world. I wasn’t looking for great books that I was going to reread over and over. I just wanted to read as many queer books as possible. And I did. But as we are finishing up the first week of 2024 and I am coming off a three-week leave of absence from work, I just want to write about books. In a surprising turn of events, taking a break from work improved my mental health so much that I have regained a small amount of creativity that I had just assumed was gone forever. So this year, I want to make an effort to write more. I had pretty much given up on writing over the last few years as I lost all motivation and seemingly all of the creativity in my body. But I’m getting it back. I never expect this blog to get popular or to actually make any money from the ads on here, but I think that’s the freeing part of this revitalization. This gives me a space to talk about the books I love without the pressure of people actually seeing it. If they see it, cool, but I’m not expecting it. I hope it inspires me to write more, even if it is just a rambling brain dump like this. If you see this post and have read this far, then I actually published it and didn’t just keep it in my drafts forever like the last three posts I’ve tried writing before I abandoned them. 2024 is a reset year for me and I’m excited to see what happens. Maybe I’ll look back on this post fondly in another decade, maybe I won’t. But I’m having fun for now and that’s all that really matters

~Maddison

Currently reading: The Hundred Years' War on Palestine by Rashid Khalidi

Currently lsitening to as I type this: Broken Skin (Outlines) by Thomston

Currently watching: Grey's Anatomy (My fiancee got me hooked-- I think we're on season 12) and Percy Jackson